Candygrams

Never Jam Today

08/24/2010

You know, I think I forgot to mention that the day TinyDoom! arrived, I'd emailed off the revision on the third theater book, been to my 38 week check-up, dropped off two art pieces at the framers, and purchased forty pounds of apricots with which to make jam.

Cross my heart, forty pounds of apricots.

We'd been waiting for the local organic grocery store to get their ginormous boxes of fruit in, and I got the call from The Husband as I was about to head home from the framers. Switched gears, headed to the next town over and loaded up the cart with nommy nommy jam-making awesomeness, then happily browsed the produce, and picked out a bagel sandwich and an IZZE soda to eat on the way home. At the register, I added three cream caramels to the bag (deliciously like homemade) then waddled out to the car to unload the goods. All the while, my brain was chanting "ba-gel! samm-ich!"

I tossed my bags in the truck, then unloaded the fruit... and felt a sort of sploosh-sploosh-sploosh.

Cue this face: O_O

And a: No way, that is not what I just thought it was.

In utter denial (and in need of a restroom) I went to Costco just down the road. Decided it wasn't what I thought it was, but if it was, I should grab the things we need... like a giant sack of sugar with which to make the jam. Called The Husband from the vicinity of the diamonds and electronics.

"What would you think if I told you my water broke in the parking lot of Sunny Farms?"

Cue his face (I assume): O_O

And: "I'm calling the Women's Clinic to see if you need to go back."

So I zoomed around, grabbing not only the sugar but two flats of muffins and a box of cinnamon twists (apparently I DO require dessert while under duress...) and then was told via Boy that I should head back to see my nurse/midwife, who also did not think it was what I thought it was.

Turns out, though, it was. And by the time I got to the hospital for the mandatory stress test, everyone on the L&D floor knew I had forty pounds of fruit in the trunk of my car, although the story had gotten twisted in the game of telephone and they thought my water had broken in the parking lot of WalMart.

*picturing myself as Natalie Portman in Where the Heart Is for a moment*

Stress test over, I bundled myself home to try and get the contractions going, which I certainly did.

By running 40 pounds of apricots through my KitchenAid grinder and freezing them.

;)

Skip a Starbucks Day

08/23/2010

My friend CJ Redwine and her husband are asking if people would skip a coffee indulgence for a day to support their efforts to bring home their adoptive daughter from China. If you can spare $5 (or $10, or $20!) please head over to her blog.

Unexpected Midnight Adventures

08/18/2010

Monday, the power cut out and the SugarBean caused a toilet malfunction. At the time, I grumbled, but I should have been grateful for small disasters.

Last night, waking up to nurse Mr. FussyBritches, I was greeted with a stench unlike any other but could not place for the first few minutes of "Ayiiiie, the gas is leaking! The house is going to explode!"  Roused the husband and sent him in search of the Mystery Odor.

Sidenote: he and I play two versions of the same game. Mine is "What's That Smell?!" which includes lots of prowling and sniffing the air like a hound dog on a scent. The last time we played this game, it was the lemons in the bottom drawer of the fridge that had stealthily molded just on the underneath side. HIS version of this game is "What's That Noise?!" and usually happens in the car. That's when we end up driving with all the windows rolled down and sporadic exclamations of "Did you hear it that time?"

But back to the bed, where I was trapped, nursing the baby and left to mull over the "What's That Smell?" possibilities.

I finally stage whispered, "GAH, it smells like SKUNK."

And, as it turns out, a little visitor had indeed ambled through the cat door to the garage and gotten stuck inside. He had the cats cornered on the top of the Frankenmobile, but demurred going out the open garage door once it went up. Instead, he apparently remembered how to use his little hands, lifted the previously locked cat door, and scootled on out.

ONLY TO COME BACK A FEW MINUTES LATER.

Convincing him to leave again only took only a few seconds, but this morning I'm playing the "do you still smell that?" game interspersed with the liberal use of candles and my orange oil air freshener. There are cups of vinegar set out everywhere, and the husband made some sort of concoction of vinegar, water ,and baking soda to spritz down the garage.

Now I just have to wait for my mom to wake up so I can call her and say, "Remember how freaked out you were when that mouse ran into your garage over the weekend? Well, in the most screwed up game of one-upsmanship EVAR, I think I WIN."

How you can need a garbage can

08/04/2010

And come home with something else entirely

Subtitled: A Small Scene At Costco

***

Me: *coveting a new step-access lidded garbage can for the kitchen because ours is partially busted and in desperate need of a scrubbing, in any case*

Child: OH LOOK. *runs down the next aisle when she spots a small, countertop, retro-looking popcorn popper*

Me: *tearing gaze away from the stainless steel shiny and remembering the struggle we're having with the Bedtime Routine, due mostly, we suspect, with the incoming Tiny Doom!* I'll trade you... you put on pajamas and brush teeth and get in your OWN BED every night without fussing or whining, and Mommy and Daddy will get that for you.

Her: YES!

Me: I am not kidding. Every night. Not even a peep of a whine.

Her: OK!!!!

Me: Seriously. We will keep the box and it will come back here to live if you give me so much as a pouty lip.

Her: I PROMISE.

Me: *muttering as I put the popcorn machine in the cart* How does that work that you get a popcorn machine when we needed a garbage can?

Him: Don't look at me, that was wholly your doing.

Ginger Me This, Batman

08/04/2010